Negative self talk can be very dangerous. If you are thinking that speaking negative about yourself is like scolding yourself so that you can get up get things done, sorry, you may not be right. Our brain mostly tends to believe what we hear. When you speak negative about yourself, your brain registers that indeed you are a negative person and makes you treat yourself ill. This may eventually lead to anxiety and depression. We don’t want that. But what if it has become a habit for you to have a negative self talk? Fortunately this blog post can help you eliminate negative self and help you in reframing your thoughts
You should first know what you are saying to yourself and whether you should be saying that or not. So first think what you say to yourself and write them down. For example, if you say to yourself that you are not fit enough, then think whether you aren’t really fit. Define what being fit really means to you and see whether you come into the category of fit people. Even if you don’t come into that category, that’s not a reason for the negative self talk. We’ll deal with that now!
The solomon’s paradox
The King Solomon, is known to be a great intellect. He was considered a witty person. He gave great pieces of advice to people who were in tough times. But he failed to implement his ideas in his own life which led to the end of his kingdom.
End of story time!
Now, what is the psychology behind that? That we give better advice to others but have no freaking idea when we need some advice. (and yes it’s me, the person who is trying to help everyone become better, saying that.)
Now think of your problem as someone else’s problem. Think that your friend comes to you and cried that she isn’t fit. What will you say? Say that to yourself.
Celebrate small things
Why should big achievements have all the fun? After all, it is a compilation of all small things that you did. Haven’t done laundry for more than a week? Go and dump them now into that washing machine. (Remember to separate white clothes. You’re welcome!) Yay! Laundry done. Let’s celebrate. Treat yourself to a hot shower or grab a chocolate bar.
When you tend to celebrate even small things your mind will start registering positive things and forget the negative ones.
This is one effective way to track your negative thoughts. You may see thought logs with a CBT trainer. They use this to show their clients how their feelings, thoughts and their response influence one another.
To make a thought log of your own:
- Take a sheet of paper
- Keep it in the horizontal (landscape) mode and split it into four columns
- First column is for the event. That is, the happening that makes you doubt yourself
- Second column is for the negative thought that arises
- Third column is for emotion. Write down how you feel, afraid or angry or demotivated or anything else
- Fifth column is for the positive thought that you should be replacing the negative thought with. (Read ahead to know how to convert negative thought to positively thought)
And you are ready with your very own thought log!
I say don’t even compare yourself with others even if they are on the chapter one. As long as it gives a competitive spirit, it’s a healthy comparison. But when it starts cultivating a negative thought, you better stop that comparison.
Let me tell you an incident
Back in school, there was this girl in my class who was better than me in academics, drawing , dance, creativity and fitness. I was fuming inside that I couldn’t be her. Yeah, I was creative, I can dance, draw and score a good mark but she was always in leading. At that time I got a chance to become close to her. That is where I came to know that she was afraid of animals. She was afraid every animal that existed on earth. From cute dogs to fiery lions. Over here in India, it’s very common to find one or other animal roaming here and there on the streets. Because of her fear of animals, she wasn’t able to go from one place to another place alone. She wanted a support. Someone to hide behind when faced to an animal. I was far better than her!
Now, this story isn’t to say that I love animals. It is to say that, the person you are comparing yourself to maybe greater than you in something but he/she may also be completely unaware of something you are expert at.
Had that girl been comparing her fear of animals with a pet lover, she wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on other things. But she didn’t give a damn about it.
So stop comparing yourself to someone else and keep on saying to yourself that you are amazing. YOU ARE GREAT!
Now that you know that you know that you aren’t as bad as you think. Let’s convert them. It may be tough to change in one day. It’s not like today you say “I am the worst” and tomorrow you be like “Yay! I am the best” If you can change in that fast pace, hats off to you! But for common people like me, whenever you catch yourself saying a negative sentence say it but…
Let’s say you feel you are slower in doing things and you say
“I am very slow at doing things compared to others” Don’t stop here. Continue with a positive twist “But that gives me a clear view of things I do.”
Now repeat without the first part “I have a clear view of things I do.”
Ah! See? You just had a positive self talk
Say no to perfection
If you are a perfectionist, if you want yourself to be the personification of perfection, sorry to pop your bubble, humans are imperfect. You are a human and so it’s okay for you to be not perfect. All that matters is the result. You need not criticize yourself for not eating within your calorie limit in the last meal. It’s okay. Everyone does that. Don’t put pressure upon yourself and talk negative about yourself.
Learn something new
Remember that one thing you’ve been think for a long time to learn? Do that now. When you learn something new, you feel like you have accomplished something new (Of course you have!) This positivity keeps you from negative talk. If you don’t want to learn something new, brush up an old talent that you have lost touch with.
Check your companions
Most of our thoughts are influenced by people around us. Like how a movie hero you hated eventually became your favourite because your friend was all praise about him. Similarly, every word people close to us speak can influence our thoughts.
If there is someone who is constantly demotivating you, even if it’s with the use of sarcasm. First try to make them understand that you don’t want them talking negative about you. Didn’t work? Well… Then you may have to stay away from those people
Positive talk affirmation is a conscious way of injecting positivity into life. When you stand in front of the mirror and say positive things about you from the heart. It actually works. Because …
What other cool ways do you think can overcome negative self talk? Write down in the comments ♡
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